Monday, February 4, 2008

Rumors, More Rumors, and Even More Rumors

Rumor #1

Word has come to the palace that a border clash occurred between Ober-Bindlestiff and the Electorate of Tinkelwasser. The army fought bravely. Kudos for all sorts of people.

Er, Ober-Bindlestiff doesn't share a common border with Tinkelwasser. Rurislavia is in the way. We asked famed international traveler Prince Tedron of Methylonia about what had happened as it seemed he had some knowledge. He muttered something about 'map reading errors' and was last seen at the art gallery frowning theatrically at various works on display.

It appears that eight regiments of foot and three brigades of horse may have crossed the border into Tinkelwasser, and there encountered a similar force. A battle quickly blew up in everyone's face, and inertia on the part of one commander caused the battle to be either a defeat or a hard-fought draw. Casualties were heavy on both sides.

Who is the Electorate of Tinkelwasser? It's a Prince-Bishopric that is famed for beer. Little else is known reliably at this time.

(We fought a battle using Volley & Bayonet, I turned the enemy's right flank by seizing a village they were holding, but had no reserves to exploit the situation. The enemy counterattacked on the other flank and pushed it back, but couldn't turn that into a rupture. Both sides went exhausted shortly after that.)

Rumor #2
A distant land (the Rebbeinate?) has announced that its women do not wear shoes as they are considered decadent. Far be it for us to dictate fashion to other countries (though millners worry that the taboret worn by the ladies of Baritara and Arles are low enough that those ladies might suffer from chest colds). A subscription is being raised to pay for a ship to travel to the Rebbeinate to see if this rumor is true. It is filling up fast.

Rumor #3
At the Annual Charity Ball the Electoress and the First Mistress appeared in "native costume" that is said to be worn in the Bindlestiff Virgin Islands. The dresses were shockingly short (rumor has it that you could actually see their ankles and calves -- and such pretty calves they were!), and daringly deep, even for modern fashions. Why one observer suspects that the First Mistress may have left her corset behind to flaunt her natural curves! What is this modern age coming to?

Rumor #4
The Elector spent this season Coursing with the Hounds. The Hounds family "grows them well, if you know what I mean". He is rumored to be returning to the capitol.

Rumor #5
The more pedantic may have noticed that certain unnamed conventions are no longer being followed in these notes, specifically the location of commas/periods and quotation marks. The Elector has decreed that we are to immediately disregard this particular odious practice as the comma/period are not being singled out for emphasis.

Rumor #6
Upon the return of the Elector, the entire city will be geared up for the Winter Ball. This will undoubtedly result in the traditional Autumn Confinement nine months from now, and so plans are being laid. Tickets are available through Ticketmeister, or by directly contacting Ticketmeister's owner, Paul-Allen v. Bajillions-of-Bucks.


Fitz-Badger said...

Good stuff, very entertaining (as usual)! :-)

abdul666 said...

Enjoyable bulletin!