Tuesday, July 31, 2007

News from Ober-Bindlestiff

Gleamings from the Ober-Bindlestiff Chronicle:

The Office of the Official Mistress is pleased to announce that her eldest non-succession son has graduated from Ober-Bindlestiff Trade School. He majored in Three Card Monte. The Office is looking forward to him having a long and fruitful career (away from Ober-Bindlestiff). When pressed, the Office admitted that while his marks in the double-shuffle were not high, he did exceptionally well in the crossover pass. Due to his size and build he also scored well in Glowering and Dealer Protection.

The Chef of the Begneit Regiment was traded to the Chef de Fer Regiment for a Sous Chef to be named later. This is seen as having a far-reaching impact on the readiness of the Chef de Fer Regiment as the Begneit Regiment is notorious for being alert in the morning. Sugar requisitions are not expected to markedly increase in the Chef de Fer Regiment.

The Electoress, warmed by the esteem shown for her well-being by various foreign powers, has vowed to respond in kind. While it was too late to invite the respective Ambassadors to a soiree at her hunting lodge, she has agreed to give private interviews to each Ambassador in the near future. As is well-known, these private interviews are public events, being considered private only because servants are not allowed within 20 feet of the Electoress' table. Volunteers are being sought for "really, really double-secret private interviews" to be held on the Electoress' private barge. On a private note, nothing untoward (for Ober Bindlestiff) occurs at those interviews, though many of the participants are known to take a rest cure afterwards for exhaustion.

The Elector, with a change in the seasons right around the corner, will be interviewing graduates of the University of Ripplestadt for a position in his household. All positions are welcome.

The Convent of Our Lady of the Night Saint Jezebel thanks all of the donors to their recent campaign to install street lamps in all of the cities of Ober-Bindlestiff. This was headed up by Sister Lily Marlene, and the Composer's Union in Ober-Bindlestiff is commisioning a song in her name as a means of thanking her.

With the harvest coming in soon, preparations for the Thank You Tour of the provinces are well underway. This is the annual tour where the male members of the nobility thank the hardworking milkmaids for their efforts, while the female members of the nobility thank the hardworking farm lads (big, husky farmlads) for their work. This Tour is looked forward to each year.

When elements of the Navy returned with reports of new and impressive islands in the South Seas that were now available for investment, a more serious matter arose at the same time. It seems that the crew of the ship returned with a number of grass skirts, leading the fashion industry to wonder: a) how could petticoats be worn beneath them; b) when sold in stores, were these to go in apparel, or food?

Relations with Saxe-Schweinrot have cooled in the last few months--when have they ever been warm--leading to some suspicions that there might be trouble in the future. As is well known, both countries scrupulously refuse to fight across their common border as this would potentially depress the land prices in the area. However this does not prevent the respective forces from being shipped to other locales to settle their disputes. Even as this is written, agents are fanning out to find such locations.

Monday, July 9, 2007

News from Ober-Bindlestiff

Somebody recently asked me that if this was a blog about an Adult version of Saxony in the early 18th Century, where was all the sex?

All right, I'll oblige.


There, that's out of the way.

On a more general note, the Erbprinz of of Ober-Bindlestiff was recently sent off to Countess Furioso's School for Educating Nobility. Here he will learn all of the proper things a nobleman needs to master in this modern age: card playing, dice playing, horse racing, seduction of chambermaids, seduction of milkmaids, seduction of young ladies casually met on the side of the road while out hunting (and the proper method to install them temporarily as a mistress), and dealing with lackeys.

The Elector holds out great hopes for the Erbprinz's educational progress. His Excellency hopes that this will stop the Erbprinz from lifting young lady's petticoats to find out what lies beneath because he will know. The Elector has long felt that there are more productive reasons to lift a young lady's petticoats than merely to indulge in idle curiosity.

Other news about the Electoral Family - the Erbprinz's sister Genevieve has recently returned from her succesful tour of Yon Province. One note that caused some concern: during her routine trip her entourage was set upon by ruffians seeking to rob everyone. Genevieve took charge of the situation, and through a very forward use of her womanly charms not only turned aside the attack, but recruited several of the better equipped ruffians into her own personal guard.

Ladies in Thither Province recently held a fundraiser for the troops quartered in that province. While details are lacking, the correspondent has learned that it did involve paintings created just for this occasion. There is one rumor that the material painted was canvas, but there are a large number of rumors that a more personal material than canvas was used. A large amount of money was thus raised. It is comforting to know that if the troops ever do leave the province, they will be supported.

A messenger recently arrived from the Ministry of the Navy bearing news that one of the ships was recently seen making its way back from the Southern Ocean. Many rumors about concerning their discoveries. The entire fashion industry in the Electorate is waiting breathlessly to learn the customs and clothes of that ocean. It is confidently expected that these discoveries will be featured in next year's fashions.

The Colonel of Regiment Chef de Fer has announced a series of cooking competitions. Details will follow.

The sisters of the Convent of Our Lady of the Night has undertaken a subscription to raise money to increase the number of streetlamps in each city as the ones in use are getting too crowded. People are urged to contribute to this worthy cause.

Students at the University of Ripplestadt have reportedly developed a new method of torturing those people who visit their city. Songs that were composed and ably sung by trained and experienced musicians will now be performed by untrained and inexperienced people with little or no musical training. The Ministry of Justice is investigating this as a method to get stubborn prisoners to confess. Credit for this innovation is being given to Don Juan Kar y Oakee, a Spanish gentleman who is in Ripplestadt, he says, to take the air. Members of the Ministry of Justice worry that this "torment" may be too barbaric for modern and refined tastes. Studies are proceeding.

Look for more news later.