News from Ober-Bindlestiff

Gleamings from the Ober-Bindlestiff Chronicle:

The Office of the Official Mistress is pleased to announce that her eldest non-succession son has graduated from Ober-Bindlestiff Trade School. He majored in Three Card Monte. The Office is looking forward to him having a long and fruitful career (away from Ober-Bindlestiff). When pressed, the Office admitted that while his marks in the double-shuffle were not high, he did exceptionally well in the crossover pass. Due to his size and build he also scored well in Glowering and Dealer Protection.

The Chef of the Begneit Regiment was traded to the Chef de Fer Regiment for a Sous Chef to be named later. This is seen as having a far-reaching impact on the readiness of the Chef de Fer Regiment as the Begneit Regiment is notorious for being alert in the morning. Sugar requisitions are not expected to markedly increase in the Chef de Fer Regiment.

The Electoress, warmed by the esteem shown for her well-being by various foreign powers, has vowed to respond in kind. While it was too late to invite the respective Ambassadors to a soiree at her hunting lodge, she has agreed to give private interviews to each Ambassador in the near future. As is well-known, these private interviews are public events, being considered private only because servants are not allowed within 20 feet of the Electoress' table. Volunteers are being sought for "really, really double-secret private interviews" to be held on the Electoress' private barge. On a private note, nothing untoward (for Ober Bindlestiff) occurs at those interviews, though many of the participants are known to take a rest cure afterwards for exhaustion.

The Elector, with a change in the seasons right around the corner, will be interviewing graduates of the University of Ripplestadt for a position in his household. All positions are welcome.

The Convent of Our Lady of the Night Saint Jezebel thanks all of the donors to their recent campaign to install street lamps in all of the cities of Ober-Bindlestiff. This was headed up by Sister Lily Marlene, and the Composer's Union in Ober-Bindlestiff is commisioning a song in her name as a means of thanking her.

With the harvest coming in soon, preparations for the Thank You Tour of the provinces are well underway. This is the annual tour where the male members of the nobility thank the hardworking milkmaids for their efforts, while the female members of the nobility thank the hardworking farm lads (big, husky farmlads) for their work. This Tour is looked forward to each year.

When elements of the Navy returned with reports of new and impressive islands in the South Seas that were now available for investment, a more serious matter arose at the same time. It seems that the crew of the ship returned with a number of grass skirts, leading the fashion industry to wonder: a) how could petticoats be worn beneath them; b) when sold in stores, were these to go in apparel, or food?

Relations with Saxe-Schweinrot have cooled in the last few months--when have they ever been warm--leading to some suspicions that there might be trouble in the future. As is well known, both countries scrupulously refuse to fight across their common border as this would potentially depress the land prices in the area. However this does not prevent the respective forces from being shipped to other locales to settle their disputes. Even as this is written, agents are fanning out to find such locations.

News from Ober-Bindlestiff

Somebody recently asked me that if this was a blog about an Adult version of Saxony in the early 18th Century, where was all the sex?

All right, I'll oblige.

SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX

There, that's out of the way.

On a more general note, the Erbprinz of of Ober-Bindlestiff was recently sent off to Countess Furioso's School for Educating Nobility. Here he will learn all of the proper things a nobleman needs to master in this modern age: card playing, dice playing, horse racing, seduction of chambermaids, seduction of milkmaids, seduction of young ladies casually met on the side of the road while out hunting (and the proper method to install them temporarily as a mistress), and dealing with lackeys.

The Elector holds out great hopes for the Erbprinz's educational progress. His Excellency hopes that this will stop the Erbprinz from lifting young lady's petticoats to find out what lies beneath because he will know. The Elector has long felt that there are more productive reasons to lift a young lady's petticoats than merely to indulge in idle curiosity.

Other news about the Electoral Family - the Erbprinz's sister Genevieve has recently returned from her succesful tour of Yon Province. One note that caused some concern: during her routine trip her entourage was set upon by ruffians seeking to rob everyone. Genevieve took charge of the situation, and through a very forward use of her womanly charms not only turned aside the attack, but recruited several of the better equipped ruffians into her own personal guard.

Ladies in Thither Province recently held a fundraiser for the troops quartered in that province. While details are lacking, the correspondent has learned that it did involve paintings created just for this occasion. There is one rumor that the material painted was canvas, but there are a large number of rumors that a more personal material than canvas was used. A large amount of money was thus raised. It is comforting to know that if the troops ever do leave the province, they will be supported.

A messenger recently arrived from the Ministry of the Navy bearing news that one of the ships was recently seen making its way back from the Southern Ocean. Many rumors about concerning their discoveries. The entire fashion industry in the Electorate is waiting breathlessly to learn the customs and clothes of that ocean. It is confidently expected that these discoveries will be featured in next year's fashions.

The Colonel of Regiment Chef de Fer has announced a series of cooking competitions. Details will follow.

The sisters of the Convent of Our Lady of the Night has undertaken a subscription to raise money to increase the number of streetlamps in each city as the ones in use are getting too crowded. People are urged to contribute to this worthy cause.

Students at the University of Ripplestadt have reportedly developed a new method of torturing those people who visit their city. Songs that were composed and ably sung by trained and experienced musicians will now be performed by untrained and inexperienced people with little or no musical training. The Ministry of Justice is investigating this as a method to get stubborn prisoners to confess. Credit for this innovation is being given to Don Juan Kar y Oakee, a Spanish gentleman who is in Ripplestadt, he says, to take the air. Members of the Ministry of Justice worry that this "torment" may be too barbaric for modern and refined tastes. Studies are proceeding.

Look for more news later.

Foot Regiments of Ober-Bindlestiff

1/Intendant General M4,PT,EP,EFD
2/Intendant General M4,PT,EP,EFD
1/Blesois M4,PT,EP,EFD
2/Blesois M4,PT,EP,EFD
Royal Boullibaise M4,PT,EP,EFD
1/1st Germans M4,PT,NE,EFD
2/1st Germans M4,PT,NE,EFD
1/2nd Germans M4,PT,NE,EFD
2/2nd Germans M4,PT,NE,EFD
3rd Germans M4,PT,NE,EFD
1/Chef de Fer M4,PT,EP,EFD
2/Chef de Fer M4,PT,EP,EFD
Provisionaire Genl M4,PT,EP,EFD
Procurer General M4,PT,EP,EFD
La Vielle Putain M4,PT,EP,EFD
1/Croissant M4,PT,EP,EFD
2/Croissant M4,PT,EP,EFD
1/Navarre M4,PT,EP,EFD
2/Navarre M4,PT,EP,EFD
Grenadiers M4,PT,NE,SHK,EFD
Eu de Cologne M4,PT,EP,EFD
Bourbon et Branch M4,PT,EP,EFD

Explanations: M is morale (4); PT is Partly Trained; EP is Elites Present; NE is No Elites; EFD is Early Firelock Drill; SHK is Shock. All of these are V&B terms.

These were converted from a different set of rules, so that's why there will be 1/ and 2/ regiments.

Foreign Regiments of Saxe-Schweinrot

Regiments of the Isles in Saxe-Schweinrot Service:

Lt. Gen. Sir Percy Poundfoolish
The Foot
1st Brigade exh: 8
Lord Lovaduck's M4,PT,EP,BN blue distinctions
100-Acre Wood Frstrs M4,PT,EP,BN green distinctions
d'Escoigne-d'Escoigne M4,PT,EP,BN red distinctions
The Buffs M4,PT,EP,BN buff distinctions
Lord Rakehell's M4,PT,EP,BN orange distinctions
2nd Brigade exh: 6
Bartleshire Yeomanry M4,PT,EP,BN white distinctions
Lestrade's Rgt M4,PT,EP,BN yellow distinctions
McAlpin's Fusiliers M4,PT,NE fusil caps & yellow distinctions
H.M.O.R.L.EB.5th.Fus. M4,PT,EP,BN white coats with red distinctions
3rd Brigade exh: 1
Shropshire Rgt M4,PT,EP,BN light blue distinctions

A word about the above things. These are set up for Volley & Bayonet. M4 is morale 4, not the greatest. PT means partially trained - nobody maneuvers in step. It's too new-fashioned for Saxe-Schweinrot (or Ober-Bindlestiff). EP means there's a grenadier company present. NE means no elites (McAlpin's are also the Marines). BN means battalion artillery present. H.M.O.R.L.EB.5th Fus. is Her Majesty's Own Royal, Loyal, and Excessively Brave 5th Fusiliers.

Unit name origins:
Lord Lovaduck - a Marx brothers movie
100-acre woods foresters - Winnie the Pooh
d'Escoigne-d'Escoigne - A Tale of Two Cities
The Buffs - all units with buff facings are REQUIRED to be called the Buffs
Lord Rakehell's - from my wife's romance novels
Lestrade's - from Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories
McAlpin's Fusiliers - an Irish folk song about the navvies who built things in England
H.M.O.R.L.EB.5th.Fus. - a Hoka story
Shropshire Rgt - from a Daffy Duck/Porky Pig cartoon about the Shropshire Slasher!

The Horse
Household Brigade M6,HVY,SHK - blue cuffs
Buffs/Irish Mtd Fus. M5,HVY - buff/green facings
d’Escoigne M5,HVY - red facings

HVY means heavy cavalry, SHK means they get 'shock' in a melee.

Obviously the d'Escoigne regiment (on a VnB regimental stand) is the cadet branch of the family, hence only one "d'Escoigne".

There's also an artillery train of one light battalion of artillery.

Enemies & Rivals

After much debate, and a couple of successful mini-campaigns, I've decided I have no choice but to create an opponent for Ober-Bindlestiff. This will be the neighbor, of course, Saxe-Schweinrot, whose flag features a red pig.

The basis of Ober-Bindlestiff is a hotted up Saxony in our world. This means a lot of suggestiveness and innuendo about the pecadillos of the ruling family. So what would be the basis of Saxe-Schweinrot? Well, the other day, while pursuing customer service problems in the town of Snohomish, I happened to pass by the Barbecue Shack with their cavorting pigs. Now these pigs were the subject of controversy because they were clearly cartoon pigs, and they weren't wearing pants!!!!!!!! Oh shock and horror! They also didn't "fit in" with the "ambience" of 1st Street in Snohomish, which is full of antique stores (and bars).

So the basis of Saxe-Schweinrot will be...(wait for it)...food.

Specifically barbecue. Now I belong to a couple of discussion groups on the web, and I've observed that nothing gets people worked up so much as barbecue sauce. It isn't politics, it isn't religion, it isn't sex, it's barbecue sauce. Perhaps that's because you can discuss it online in public with children and those of hyper-sensitivity present. Suffice to say, Saxe-Schweinrot will be based on food (and food jokes). Expect a few from the Food Network, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All right, what does this mean for my armies? Well, first, I can make the division between the Maritime Powers and the Continental Power. The latter, of course, is Ober-Bindlestiff, with it's French/Spanish flavor (my troops are Marlburian). That means my English and Dutch will now become the basis of Saxe-Schweinrot.

This won't be a coalition, though. Just a lot of troops "in service" to Saxe-Schweinrot. Think of the Low Countries and the English, as well as the Dutch habit of hiring troops (in part to keep them out of the Service of France).

More to come later!

Foreign Matters

Yes, foreign matters. In Ober-Bindlestiff the phrase 'foreign affairs' has quite another connotation entirely.

This announcement was just put forth by the Foreign Ministry:

"Yesterday, in a stunning rebuke of Franzonia, the Ministry of Fashion published a scathing review of the fashions paraded by several ladies of the court. Their dress and hair designers were ridiculed unmercifully, though the ladies were praised for putting up with wearing such trash. The taborets on their dresses were considered a finger-width too high for court wear, and several severe comments were made about the hemlines of their dresses rising so far as to only brush the floor. The Minister of Fashion allowed as how this was only to be expected of the designers to the Court, and expressed an earnest wish that in the future better designers more in tune with current fashion would be engaged."

This just in:

"The Minister of Fashion has deplored the bright shade of red on the heels of the shoes of dandies in the court of Saxe-Bearstein. However the Minister thought that if perhaps the ruler of Saxe-Bearstein were to not have such clean streets in his capitol, this would not be a problem. The Minister has directed that mud be offered (at cost!) to Saxe-Bearstein to help alleviate this problem."

Uniforms & Regiments of Ober-Bindlestiff

The basic uniform color is white, though sometimes undyed wool is provided instead. All equipment is natural leather, but the longer a soldier stays in the army, the darker the leather will be. Stockings are part of the uniform. The coat is not turned back, but the cuffs are. Button color is the same as the hat lace.

In some regiments the officers will have reversed colors, as will musicians (though with more lace). Non-commissioned officers uniforms will vary from those worn by commissioned officers in the fineness of the cloth, tin instead of silver, and brass instead of gold. White tape and yellow tape line the hats.

Distinctions are found in: hat lace/buttons, stockings, lining of coat, and the waistcoat. Some of the fancier regiments (richer Colonels) will have lacing on the waistcoat in the button color. The regiments from Yon Province will have chords on the left shoulder in the cuff color.

Now for some specifics:

Foreign regiments will all wear colored coats. Blue is popular for the ones from the rest of "Germany", while "Red" are either the Scottish Regiments, or the "Regiments of the Isles". By the way, the Elector thought they said the "Regiments of the Aisles", so by special decree from the Electoress (to avoid confusing her husband), those soldiers are allowed to be ushers at whatever entertainment that has been organized by the Army. The one "Russian" regiment wears green, though it has been likened to mildew rather than the more solid green.

Native regiments, with the exception of the Electoress's Personal Escort, the Gondolier Regiment, and the Mistress's Regiment, wear white.

The Gondolier Regiment wears white pants and are bare-chested (oil is provided to give their chests that "sheen" the women delight in so much. The men are barefoot (of course). Entrance to the Gondolier Regiment is by competitive singing. Each company sings in a different key. The men must be able to pilot a gondola while signing.

The Electoress's Personal Escort wear leather, and the fewer questions asked about them the better, save that they are very thoroughly disciplined.

The Mistress's Regiment wear "Electoral Red", sort of a faded red that has been likened to a muted Polish Crimson.

Officers of the Auditor General's Regiment wear black, though the men wear white. The musicians of this regiment wear red. The cuffs/stockings, and linings are red.

Artillerists wear blue with red trim for the field companies, and white for the fortress companies.

Cavalry obey the same rules for clothes as the foot, except that some of the native units wear dark blue instead of white.

Generals wear any damned thing they please, but those who belong to the Gondolier Regiment as well may not wear their Gondolier Regimentals while accompanying any other troops.

There are grenadiers, and they, for the most part, wear a little mitre, except those that wear a fur cap.

Pioneers wear aprons and carry axes, though it is rumored that there is a contingent of pioneers in the Mistress's Regiment that have lace on their aprons. This is not a subject that is best brought up in front of those men.

There is a mountain regiment, but nobody remembers what they wear. There is some suspicion it might be light gray, or white, or brown, or something like that.

There are two Dragoon regiments. One wears yellow, the other green.

There are no light troops in the army. When asked about light troops, the Marshal-General had everyone weighed, and determined that no one regiment was significantly lighter than any other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weaponry - the pike has been officially suppressed, so only a third of the army trails that noble weapon, and those units are not front line units. Everyone else in the Foot uses a fusil, except, of course, those units that use a matchlock. Horse relies upon swords, with each man carrying two pistols. Dragoons carry a carbine (as well as pistols), and have not only suppressed the pike, but discarded it as well!

Artillery carriages are painted in whatever color could be purchased in the depot city, which is why some are dark blue, and others are a dark red; all have dark iron fittings and bronze guns.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If we ever find the Navy we'll tell you what they wear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Court versions of all of these uniforms are fancier with more braid and feathers. Rumor has it that the Electoress's Personal Escort's uniform while attending the Electoress in her private quarters is much less than what is seen in public, with only certain strategic places on their bodies being covered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A complete listing of all uniforms by regiment was mislaid as recently as 30 years ago, so is probably incomplete. But if it is found, it should be illuminating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
None of this covers the militia, though they all wear white (white coat, white breeches, white waistcoat, white stockings), and have hats that are not turned up in a tricorne. The militia do carry pikes. They generally have muskets, too.